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Conversational segways are the kings of BS in the cube farms, break rooms, conference rooms, and bathrooms at office buildings all over this great land. Knowing just a few things about a co-worker - or even just one thing about them will allow you to turn any one-on-one normally awkward situation in which you are forced to converse with someone who you know could care less about talking to you into a half-way acceptable situation. A segway is nothing more than a half-assed comment or question that is used to create a short conversation that the other person buys into (on the surface) before you move on to try and sell them something, take care of whatever task you came to take care of, or if your coffee mug has finished re-filling and you are ready to return to your desk.

So, what is the most effective and common segway to use in almost any situation? Talk about the weather. Not a day goes by where I do not hear multiple conversations about the forecast, current conditions, or the classic "How's the weather in your neck of the woods?" question. Whenever a big storm is rolling through or massive amounts of snow are predicted (and then never come) employees and clients still get excited like kids in a classroom when a bolt of lightning can be seen through the classroom windows, and could talk about the possibility of a big storm for hours.

We've all been in the "lobby" of a conference call waiting for everyone to join, and you cannot discuss what you are supposed to discuss until everyone is there so you have an awkward silence until someone asks, "So, what's the weather like there today?" even though they check Weather.com every hour of the day out of boredom and already know the answer. Yet, the weather segway, however thick in BS it may be does not usually come off as sounding as lame as other segways, and most people enjoy playing along.

Segways are a great way to get used to communicating "professionally"*, but it's really sad how many silver-haired, 20-30 year veterans still use them thinking that they are professional communication tools. Can you really blame them when self-proclaimed industry leaders encourage the habit? Look at any customer relationship management solution offered by Microsoft, Oracle, IBM, or any other business solutions provider of your choice, and you will see that each customer record has a section devoted to interests or talking points - segways. These are grouped into categories, and are reportable. Reportable BS. Who would've thought? BS sells, or at least it used to. Now, with the 90's invention and advancement of e-commerce consumers no longer have to put up with "car salesmen" pitches that make you want to buy less. When someone pretends to know you now, it just comes off as cheesy and desperate. Maybe it always did, and we just tolerated it. Not anymore.

My recommendation to you is to read and expand your knowledge so that you can engage with others at a semi-intelligent level on various subjects, so that you can have segway-less conversations. At the very least, try to form a common interest through something as simple as a tv show that you both watched the previous night. At least you're both talking about something that you care about, and there is actually a half-way vested interest in the conversation.

The other option is to simply listen. When you get a talker in your office, cube, or on the phone let them them talk. They feel important, you're being "respectful" of their expert knowledge of Seinfeld re-runs, and they feel like they get along with you because it seems like a real conversation to them - especially if you appeared really interested or maybe were actually interested at times.

I simply don't have conversations with people at the office unless I know that we have a common interest, and have had a conversation that had nothing to do with work for more than 5-10 minutes. I'm not sure there is a point to bs'ing with segways. You can still come off as friendly and professional just by getting down to business and talking about the task at hand. I perceive people as more genuine who have a mutual understanding that we are different people, and "hey, how are you?" suffices in passing. If you still are caught up in the popularity game then you probably disagree with everything I just said, and your feelings may be hurt when people don't throw a segway your way. That's fine. You are not alone as the majority of the people in the business world fall in that boat.

*Professional is a vague term. When I use the term I am talking about the general manner that we are supposed to follow when in an office setting, even though it generally goes against everything that is natural and conducive to being comfortable and truly productive.

This month's issue of GQ had a surprisingly good article on interviewing advice, so support the dying industry of print media and go check it out. Yea, I'm a subscriber - I'm a gentleman and I like quarterly publications that actually come twelve times a year. The first half of the article was more radical and truthful - like they were speaking from the heart. The rest was pretty standard advice: research the company, don't lie, blah, blah, blah. We get it.

Going back to the beginning of the article, I'm going to go ahead and not only quote the author, Cecil Donahue, but illustrate the quote:

"The ensuing dialogue, when practiced by skilled professionals, may resemble an actual conversation, but it is of course a game of verbal cat and mouse in which both parties attempt to ascertain precisely the same thing - namely, where the other is located on the Psycho-Success Cartesian plane."

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to help recruit college students for some of our open positions at the company I work for. Three things really stuck out during the day:

Dressing for Success is Debatable I look past the whole wearing a suit to a career fair thing, and had some guys and girls with really strong personalities dressed extremely casually who I was impressed with. Keep in mind that I am 24, and don't believe in wearing suits unless you're attending a funeral or wedding - even though I was wearing business casual yesterday. Chances are you will be dealing with a traditional recruiter, so at least wear business casual to play it safe. Most people who have been in business for awhile will not give you the time of day if you're not wearing work attire. If you know that the company you are looking to work for believes in brilliant minds over expensive clothes - match their dress code. There was a company recruiting next to us wearing jeans, sweatshirts, shirts untucked, etc.

Get Out There Early Quite a few freshmen were coming up and asking if I was an alumni member, and needed my business card. It turns out that the professor of one of the intro courses for the school I graduated from was giving extra credit to those who attended the career fair and talked to former students now working. Some would just take the card, but I made quite a few of them work for it, ask a few questions, and as they got comfortable and realized that I am not the normal douche-bag recruiter and would actually answer questions that had nothing to do with my company they started showing interest. I would have loved to have the opportunity as a freshman to go to a career fair and just talk to someone openly about the four years in the program, what to look for, what options are available, and what it's like afterwards. I had a crowd of four students at one time, and even received the comment that I was the most "down to earth and informative person they had talked to at the career fair". Unfortunately, most companies' recruiters are concerned only with qualifying candidates quickly based on their resume and a few questions, and talking strictly about open positions and their company.

Just go No joke, the greatest conversation I had all day was with a third year student studying nursing who just came to the IT career fair because she was early to work at the Union where the fair was being held. She was just talking about school, campus, the basketball season, and she just wanted to know what I thought about IU, living in Indianapolis, and working. It was the most honest and genuine conversation I had all day, where the person wasn't trying to impress me. She's going to be great at interviewing and really finding a position that suits her, rather than her suiting some company. If you're not up to par socially, I would recommend just popping into a career even if it is completely unrelated to your area of study and just approaching recruiters in the same manner. If they're recent grads, they will probably appreciate the conversation and change of pace from reviewing resumes and grilling students. Plus, there are always give-aways at most companies' booths.

That's what it boils down to really, and too many of us give up on our dreams in order to pursue a socially acceptable position, a position with a notable company, or basically the conservative option that guarantees a paycheck every two weeks. Sometimes we have to work in positions that aren't exactly aligned with our goals just to survive, so you may not be realizing your dream immediately. It's unlikely that your dream will be realized upon commencement day coming and going, and your first position may be the complete opposite direction of what you really wanted. Just do a search on Monster or CareerBuilder for entry level positions for college graduates and tell me with a straight face that 99% of the available positions sound exciting. Unlikely to happen. However, it's a start to gaining the tangible and intangible resources that you will need to achieve your dreams.

We are the "silver spoon" generation whether we like to acknowledge it or not. We're hungry for success - immediate success. Everything we do, create, or consume is instant, on-demand, downloadable, ready in minutes, and available everywhere. Adjusting to a new challenge that could last 45-50 years after completing nearly two decades of institutional learning is like a slap in the face. There will be no parade, just a graduation party hosted by your friends or family in which you will receive a few household items to get you started in your first place. Then you'll move, find an apartment, show up for the first day of work (hopefully not late, like my first day), and you'll dig into whatever position it is that you signed up for at that career fair months ago. You'll get over the shock, and the rough transition from student to full-time employee will yield new knowledge and experiences that will either make you settle in as a lifer for your company, or will encourage you to better yourself and the pursuit of that childhood dream. You have your whole life to find your true passion, but if you think back to when you were a kid it's usually easier to find.

Randy Pausch Lecture: Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams (video)

As I was heading out of the office yesterday, I stopped by to chat it up with some other young guns before leaving. One of them asked if I was taking work home at which point I looked down and realized that I had my laptop in the bag hanging off of my shoulder. It had been like this since last Friday, so I didn't even realize what they were talking about. I quickly rattled off the names of some of the clients who I have project work that needs to be completed asap to try and justify me having my laptop with me and not wanting to appear as a lame slave to the corporate system. His response was classic:

Dude, that is one can of worms you do not want to open.

That is very true. Like the deliciously flavored snack that comes in a tube, Pringles, once you pop you can't stop. One of my new year's resolutions was to make a strong attempt at not working weekends or nights. Work will always be there in the morning regardless of if you work until the wee hours of the night trying to complete work. If you finish a project early, it will be replaced by another project with a new set of deadlines.

In college and all of my years in the halls of academia preceding the last four years, I was the type of student who could not and would not procrastinate. The times when it did come down to the wire, I usually pumped out some of my most focused and greatest reports or project material. Even with the better results it was just something that I wasn't comfortable with, and enjoyed the feeling of being finished before the deadline. Only then could I truly relax and quit worrying. It was a psychological reward - a dog treat for the brain.

In the workplace, there is no reward for finishing early in terms of mental "time off". I've been trying to get the block schedule going - 2 weeks on and 1 week off, then repeat - but cannot seem to get any serious support for some reason. The next project in the pipeline is coming your way, and the same pitfalls, deadlines, and other stress factors have to be overcome again.

The best way to manage the "always on" project cycle is to to leave work at the office. If you work remotely, start and stop your work along with normal business hours. In any traditional and conservative business, this is the only way to stay slightly sane on weekdays.

From now on, I invite anyone who sees me taking work with me to remove my laptop bag from me (use force if necessary, although I may come at you like a spider monkey), return it to my desk, and escort me to my vehicle ensuring that the can of worms remain sealed for all time.